he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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