You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
