this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
