im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
