Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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