i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
