Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
