i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
