ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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