I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
