Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
