I could make wine with my vomit
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
