so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
