Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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