i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
