thus making me awesome and them whores
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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