...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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