Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
