I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
