Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told me they were just razor bumps!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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