i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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