I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
