im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
