sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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