Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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