One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
