I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize