is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
