its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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