So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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