You work out of a Hotel?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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