I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
