haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
