pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
4 words: hood of his car
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
