shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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