I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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