u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
