Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
