My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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