I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
