did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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