She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there's paper in my vomit.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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