This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
