you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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