Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize