While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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