Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
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I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize