The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
