Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Alive.
So much puke
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
