I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
