i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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