Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
