I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
