so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
