so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize