I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
