I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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