Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
