I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
