***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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