omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
