I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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