Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
