sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
