im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You left your phone here
Wait...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
