My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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