My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
