They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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