Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
