ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
