My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's the barista slut.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
