The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
