She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
