Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize