Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
