i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
