What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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