apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
