I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
