I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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