I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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