do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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