it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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