and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
