do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
