dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
